Published by:

AIDS COUNCIL OF NSW, Northern Rivers, Australia.

HIV Intervention Team, HEALTH DEPARTMENT of NSW, Australia.

My work in this field received the President's Award from the Australian 
Foundation of AIDS Organisations Inc in "recognition of an outstanding
contribution to the community AIDS effort in Australia
." 1992.


Written by David McMinn



In these days of AIDS, it is essential to enjoy sex, but always within the confines of safe practices to protect yourself and others from contracting the HIV virus (causes AIDS), as well as numerous other diseases. Sex is intensely pleasurable, but it is also a very efficient means of transmitting disease. New techniques need to be learned if you are to have great sex and maintain good health. This guide covers esoteric sexual practices that people would find easy to incorporate into their sex lives and at the same time yield excellent results safely. Much of this information was derived from Tantra and Tao (pronounced Dow) sexual arts.

The romantic myth persists in Western culture that you can only have great sex with your 'ideal' partner. The reality is that you may meet several 'ideal' partners and have a flurry of sexual passion with each of them, but never achieve ecstasy or, if ecstasy is accomplished, it is fleeting rather than a permanent feature of your love life. If you are fully orgasmic, sexual ecstasy can be easily attained. Your partner no longer needs to 'perform' to meet your needs and you can have great sex every time with less than 'ideal' partners. Esoteric techniques can help empower you to become more orgasmic.

The ultimate aim is to achieve Brain Orgasm - multiple orgasms with just hugs nothing genital. This is the safest of safe sex that can be easily accomplished via tantric sexercises.

This text mainly promotes erotic massage and mutual masturbation as your safest sexual options in the new millennium. However, many couples prefer penetrative sex and for them condom usage remains essential to halt the spread of HIV and many other diseases. Although often regarded as desensitising, condoms are a great way to learn to delay male orgasm for extended periods, a vital prerequisite for attaining sexual ecstasy. They are also very helpful in mastering coitus reservatus (lots of sex with few male orgasms). Condoms need only be considered boring for those not well initiated in sexual practices. It is imperative to use condoms every time, unless you are absolutely certain that your partner does not have HIV or a range of other infectious diseases. 

Disclaimer: This text is designed to educate in safe sex practices. However, such techniques are best done under the guidance of a qualified Tantric or Tao teacher and this approach is strongly recommended. As the application of esoteric techniques is beyond the control of the author, he has no liability to any person/entity regarding loss or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly arising from the use of any material found on this server. The reader applies this information entirely at their own risk. Additionally it is assumed that the reader is in good health, as doing some of these techniques can aggravate existing health problems. This particularly applies to people with a heart condition or problem with asthma, as well as to men with prostate problems or women in the latter stages of pregnancy. If you have any doubts, please consult your doctor or health professional for advice before adopting any of the techniques outlined in this text.


A major limitation on sexual enjoyment arises because many men are primarily concerned with achieving orgasm to relieve pent up tension. When entering the sex act, they often jump ahead of themselves and go as quickly as possible to end the session in orgasm. The big bang and it is all over. This cheats both parties as no one can achieve sexual ecstasy in five or 10 minutes. Much longer more enjoyable sessions can be accomplished through coitus reservatus, which involves men foregoing orgasm during sex. Initially this may sound strange, but various Eastern sexual arts all incorporate coitus reservatus [eg: Tantra (India), Tao (China) and Imsak (Iran)]. Eastern masters considered this to be highly desirable, as ejaculation was believed to be very depleting for the male, due to the life force being wasted with the emission of vital seminal fluid.

How long should lovemaking last? One Taoist considered 'that from the beginning of foreplay to the final loving caress should last two hours or all day'. Another Taoist believed in having intercourse lasting 'one thousand loving thrusts'. Amusingly this is in contrast to Kinsey, an early US sexologist, who defined a man as being a premature ejaculator 'if he could not keep his penis inside a woman for two minutes without having an orgasm'. Clearly any lovers of the latter would be sorely disappointed!

Unlike women, who can enjoy multiple orgasms, men are limited in their sexual activities by the number of orgasms they may achieve. By radically reducing his frequency of orgasm, a man's sexual potency is greatly boosted as he is no longer restricted by the need to have orgasm at the end of every sexual encounter. He may have sex as often as he chooses and for as long as it takes both parties to be fully sated. Initially a man may feel he is missing out on something as the excitement of the peak is no longer there. Even so, this is more than compensated for by longer sessions, better health and the experience of deep pleasure. This compares with thImportantly, complete abstinence from ejaculation can put severe pressure on the prostate gland because orgasmic tension is never released in the pelvic area. Wet dreams can also result in seminal loss, which was considered highly undesirable by Eastern masters. Thus regulated emissions are recommended, the frequency of which would depend upon a man's age, strength and physical condition. Older men (over 40) should emit much less often if they are to maintain a high level of potency into their old age. The suggested ejaculation frequency varied markedly according to source. One Taoist reference considered a maximum rate of two to three emissions per 10 coituses. Another Taoist believed that if a man 'can make love a 100 times without emission he will live a long life'. However, a man may best determine his own ideal schedule by increasing the interval between emissions if ejaculation leaves him tired and depressed. A man should feel light and refreshed after sex, not exhausted, empty and uninterested in further sex.

By foregoing full ecstasy, coitus reservatus enables a man to enjoy hours of near ecstasy and the orgasms he does have will be much sweeter. Couples are able to enjoy sex more fully and for much longer periods. Men retain a sexual hunger as they are never overly satisfied and thus are less likely to become bored with the same partner. Thus relationships tend to be more intimate and enduring as they flow much more smoothly.
e temporary climax of male orgasm, lasting at best 10 seconds, only to be followed by tiredness and 'post coitus blues'.


Importantly, complete abstinence from ejaculation can put severe pressure on the prostate gland because orgasmic tension is never released in the pelvic area. Wet dreams can also result in seminal loss, which was considered highly undesirable by Eastern masters. Thus regulated emissions are recommended, the frequency of which would depend upon a man's age, strength and physical condition. Older men (over 40) should emit much less often if they are to maintain a high level of potency into their old age. The suggested ejaculation frequency varied markedly according to source. One Taoist reference considered a maximum rate of two to three emissions per 10 coituses. Another Taoist believed that if a man 'can make love a 100 times without emission he will live a long life'. However, a man may best determine his own ideal schedule by increasing the interval between emissions if ejaculation leaves him tired and depressed. A man should feel light and refreshed after sex, not exhausted, empty and uninterested in further sex.

By foregoing full ecstasy, coitus reservatus enables a man to enjoy hours of near ecstasy and the orgasms he does have will be much sweeter. Couples are able to enjoy sex more fully and for much longer periods. Men retain a sexual hunger as they are never overly satisfied and thus are less likely to become bored with the same partner. Thus relationships tend to be more intimate and enduring as they flow much more smoothly.


People generally hold their breath and tighten their muscles during sex. This is fine if it is a deliberate effort to raise sexual heat or for regulating and intensifying the climax. Unfortunately, breath holding is often an involuntary reaction, which in turn results in poor control and an all too frequent early male orgasm. Breathing, the mind and sexual response are all interdependent. Altering any one of these variables changes the other two. Not surprisingly, correct breathing forms an essential component of Eastern love teachings.

Breathing Strategies. There is a range of Tantra breathing techniques to prolong and amplify your sexual experiences. Cooling breathing practices should be adopted when nearing a climax to prevent unwanted early orgasm.

Complete Breath involves the conscious control over inhalation, retention and exhalation. Slow steady breathing through the nose is an excellent means to relax and prolong the session. Inhale deeply through the nose slowly filling your lungs from top to bottom. Push the diaphragm down by extending the abdomen outwards. Pause. Empty the lungs by exhaling through the nose and pulling the abdomen inwards.

Crow beak breathing. Curl your tongue and protrude it slightly beyond your lips. Inhale through this 'straw'. Close your mouth and retain your breath for long as is comfortable then exhale through the nose. Crow beak is cooling and defers orgasm.

Sitkari (English name not known).  Press your tongue against the roof of your mouth and inhale slowly through the mouth making a slight hissing sound. Retain the breath, followed by exhalation through the nose. This is another cooling breath.

Right/left nostril breathing. Only breathing through the right nostril is heating and stimulates the sex drive bringing on climax. (Use your index finger to cover the left nostril.) In contrast breathing only through the left nostril is cooling thereby helping to avoid climax. You can adjust left or right nostril breathing to suit your needs during sex. (CAUTION: Do not breathe via one nostril for extended periods — over 10 minutes — as it can result in physical imbalances.)

Panting. Hold your mouth open with tongue protruding slightly. Pant rapidly and fully from your belly (not your throat). Promotes arousal and excitability.

Such breathing techniques give you greater options over your sexual responses. If you strain while doing any of these techniques, you are doing them incorrectly. At all times breathing should be relaxed and free flowing. There are many references on yoga breathing. However, the more advanced practices need to be done under the supervision of a qualified teacher. If done incorrectly, they can result in physical imbalances.

Breathing & Health Due to stress ridden modern lifestyles, most people have poor shallow breathing and need to learn better habits. Good breathing is imperative to good health, an obvious factor generally ignored by Western medicine. In contrast, Eastern adepts regard fresh air as being more essential to bodily well being than nourishing food or pure water. As one Taoist commented, 'You can live two months without food, two days without water but you can only live a few minutes without air'.


General good health is essential for good sex. Of prime importance is muscle tone in the pelvic region to give intense contractions during orgasm and allow better ejaculation control in men. Flabby muscles in this area will not perform well giving mediocre sexual response. The major muscle involved is the pubococcygeus (PC), which stretches between the genitals and the anus. It is the PC which contracts rapidly during orgasm. However, with our modern sedentary lifestyle, the PC is rarely exercised in our daily routine. For many people this gives a less than optimal sex life.

Kegel exercises
(for men & women) are quite well known and were first promoted by Arnold Kegel in the 1940s. Even so, they were really nothing new as variations on these exercises have been practised in Eastern countries for millennia. Kegel exercises are excellent to tone the PC for a much better sex life. To identify the PC, simply stop the flow of urine the next time you go to the toilet by flexing the muscles of your lower pelvis. The muscle you will contract will be the PC. If it is weak, you may have trouble stemming the flow of urine, but try again next time. The following outlines various exercises to strengthen the PC.

Slow clenches. Tighten the PC as in stemming the flow of urine. Hold for the count of three then relax. Repeat.

Flutters. Tighten and relax the PC as rapidly as is comfortable.

Another Variation.
Push down moderately as if having a bowel movement. This will also develop the abdominal and anal muscles as well.

Commence these exercises gradually, starting off with a regime that is not too strenuous. 150 Kegel exercises a day should be the ultimate goal.

Testicle elevations (for men only, obviously) increase erectile strength, boost arousal and give better orgasm control in men. Sit on the edge of a chair or stand with feet about half a metre apart. The testicles should hang freely. Practise raising and lowering the testicles. At first a man may have to use his abdominal muscles, but with experience only the pelvic muscles will be needed.

Push Outs. Lift your ankles so that you are standing on your tip toes and exert pressure on your pelvic floor as if you are going to have a bowel movement. Then gradually and firmly squeeze your butts against your tail bone and anus and hold for 15-60 seconds. Repeat this process for as many times as you feel is appropriate. This sexercise may be practised any time by exerting pressure on the pelvic floor and tightly squeezing the butts against your tail bone and anus. It is very good for men if they have a premature ejaculation problem. 

Weight training can be included with your Kegel exercises. A man stimulates himself to full erection then places a wet towel over his penis. He raises and lowers the towel by flexing his lower pelvic muscles. After some practice, the number of towels should be increased. This improves erectile strength. Some men and women use weights to do their sexercises.

Pompoir. In the art of pompoir, women have direct control over their circum vaginal muscles during sex, a technique which has been used by the more talented prostitutes of Asia for thousands of years. The woman, who is in complete control, sits on top of the man, but there is no movement as all activity is internal. By flexing her vaginal muscles, a woman may caress a man's penis by gripping, massaging, milking or rippling motions. This may be done on a penis as whole or in sections. It is easy to develop pompoir ability. Kegel exercises or other exercises practised every day for a few months will give pompoir finesse to most women. Once developed, the circum vaginal muscles need only to be maintained in good condition. Male — male couples may also experience pompoir. By flexing well toned anus/PC muscles, the receptive partner is able to massage his lover's penis during coitus.

Erectile Dysfunction may be overcome by doing Kegel exercises. In one study, 55 older men with potency problems were split into two groups. The first was trained in Kegel exercises and then did them twice a day for 6 months, while the second control group did no sexercises. By the end of the study, 40% of the Kegel group regained full erectile function, 35% improved and 25% experience no benefit. Those in the latter group included men suffering from diabetes, arteriosclerosis and alcoholism - ie: those men with serious health issues. At the start of the study, 65% of men in the Kegel group had an incontinence problem - they dribbled after urination. By the end of the study, this had been overcome and they were 'dry'. Generally, it is much better and much much cheaper for men with erectile dysfunction to try sexercise first before resorting to potency pills or other medical options (vacuum pumps, injections, prostheses, etc).

Back Problems. Kegel exercises strengthen the PC muscles, thus providing a firm muscular foundation for the entire spine. Thus, these exercises could be helpful for those people with back problems. 

Overall, sexercises promote general good health in the pelvic area and help prevent haemorrhoids, prostate problems, constipation and prolapse of the rectum and/or uterus. They are also excellent in preparing women for childbirth and overcoming incontinence in older age. Sexercises are easy to do and can be done at any time of the day: lying in bed, standing waiting for a bus or sitting in a waiting room. More advanced exercises (eg: the deer, stomach churns, the big draw, etc) may be found in Tantra and Tao references for those interested. However, most people want something that is easy, convenient and gives the desired results. The sexercises discussed here meet those criteria.


For millennia, oriental courtesans have offered their clients acupoint massage prior to and during sex as part of their service. This was to heighten the sexual experience and to foster good health. Courses in shiatsu or acupressure are recommended for people wishing to develop proficiency in this area.

Perineum Point (Conception Vessel -1) is a key acupoint, located half way between the anus and the scrotum, where you can press inwards without feeling bone. Bodily energy flows rising up from the legs and flowing down from the head and torso meet at this point. In Chinese acupuncture, the perineum point is called hui yin and in Indian yoga it is known as yoni nadi.

Circular motions with fingers (yours or your partner's) to the perineum point may be given during foreplay to improve performance and raise sexual heat. Such a massage must be gentle as it is a sensitive area of the body. Acupressure to the perineum point can also give superior orgasm control for men. This may be achieved by ceasing stimulation when nearing a climax and pressing the point with two or three fingers for several seconds. At the same time, the man inhales deeply. (From Taoist sexology, the index and middle fingers of the left hand should be used.)

Men may also have orgasm without ejaculation via coitus obstructus. When nearing a peak, a man may continue with stimulation and press the perineum point firmly with his fingers. Pressure must be applied several seconds before orgasm. Good timing is crucial as a delay will result in ejaculation no matter what pressure is applied. The semen is pushed back into the body rather than out through the penis. Eastern adepts believe this has advantages as vital seminal fluid is conserved and the loss of sexual energy is minimised. CAUTION: Coitus obstructus must not be applied if there are venereal diseases or prostate problems. Furthermore, do not use this technique excessively as it can strain parts of the urogenital system. Ejaculate to release any pent up energies.

The Love Spot (Conception Vessel - 17) corresponds to the thymus gland which, in turn, plays a major role in the body's immune defences. The love spot is found at the intersection of a vertical line down the centre of the chest and a horizontal line drawn across the nipples. (Of course make any necessary adjustments if they sag, and estimate where the nipples hung before gravity took its toll.) In Chinese acupuncture, the love spot is called Dan Chu, while in Indian yoga it is the anahat heart centre.

A gentle massage, both directly on the love spot as well as above and below it, will stimulate the thymus gland. Another method is the thymus thump, which may be used daily. Rub your hands together until they are warm to build up chi (life energy). Clench your fist and firmly thump down the centre of the upper chest from the collar bone to the nipple line six to nine times. (CAUTION: Injury may result if you talk while doing this exercise or have a heart condition.) As the thymus controls the immune system, presumably this may be of benefit in dealing with illness.

Visualisations on the love spot can add another dimension to sex. Lying together with love spots in contact, both partners can imagine these points to be small golden orbs of love. With each breath, the couple can envisage these orbs growing a little bigger until eventually they are entirely enveloped in healing love. One sexologist believed that making love arose when your love spot was activated with sweet inspiring emotions flowing from the chest. Having sex occurred when this spot was dormant and all interest and energy was concentrated below the navel. There are several additional points of interest, as follows:

Conception Vessel - 6 (Sea of Energy) is located about 50mm below the navel. Press directly with fingers to stimulate the sex organs.

Conception Vessel - 8 (Navel). Using a feather touch, spiral slowly outwards from the navel (eg: anti clockwise) then reverse the motion (eg: clockwise) and spiral inwards. The receiving partner will feel tingling sensations as energy flows are activated.

Stomach - 17 ( Nipple Tips). Stimulate freely with your hands or mouth, with no stimulation to the surrounding area. Touch should be light and sensuous.

A few suggestions have been offered on using acupoints during sexual activities. However, everybody differs in their physical sensitivities and what they consider are 'erogenous zones'. Sexupressure is a great way to locate your own 'hot spots'.

Orgasm via Acupressure. It is possible to experience orgasm via acupressure - a Bowen therapist friend is able to do this beautifully. The orgasm occurs in the brain, rather than the whole body. However, the sessions have to be limited to several minutes, as the orgasm is intense and extended periods of massage can induce a heart attack or create other health problems.


AIDS has made mutual masturbation the safest way to express yourself sexually in the new millennium. The likelihood of contracting HIV via masturbation is extremely remote provided there are no cuts or sores on your hands. (If such lesions are evident use light latex gloves.) In contrast, unprotected anal/vaginal intercourse can readily transmit the virus. Even with condoms there are small risks with breakage or slipping off during coitus and thus they are not foolproof in preventing HIV transmission. A further difficulty arises as condoms are desensitising for men generally. Such problems do not arise in the masturbation option as the main instruments of pleasure are your hands. These are extremely nimble and manipulative and there is no reason why masturbation cannot give you and your partner ecstasy. The only limitations are ignorance and lack of imagination.

People must be concerned about a whole range of sexually transmitted diseases (HIV-1, Hepatitis A & B, NSU, chlamydia, gonorrhoea, warts, syphilis and so forth). New viral diseases may also emerge in coming years (eg: HLTV-1 & HIV-2), as well as new antibiotic resistant strains of ‘old’ bacterial diseases (eg: gonorrhoea & syphilis). The Center for Disease Control (USA) recommends no exchange of bodily fluids in sex. Such considerations make mutual masturbation an even more attractive option.

Apart from the disease factor, there are other occasions when mutual masturbation is appropriate, especially if:

·     a man has a premature ejaculation problem or is impotent. He can manually stimulate his

·    a couple wish to enjoy sexual variation in addition to penetrative sex.

·     profuse menstruation hinders having vaginal coitus. (Use latex gloves
in such circumstances
 as menstrual blood can transmit HIV and other blood born viruses.)

·     Male - Female couples may want a perfect means of birth control that is intensely pleasurable,
 but  without chemicals, pills or condoms.


Masturbation solo is a viable alternative for those without a suitable partner. It is completely safe, keeps your genitals well toned and, if done properly, can be extremely pleasurable. Scientists wired up one female subject to measure her physical responses during masturbation. After an hour they were becoming concerned that she would have heart failure. Her brain waves were in deep relaxation, as she continued to pleasure herself to orgasmic heights.

Lubrication (too much is better than too little) is essential as delicate tissue is being massaged. Masturbation without lubricant is less stimulating and can lead to genital chaffing. Only water soluble lubricants must be used if latex gloves or condoms are being employed during the session. Otherwise lubricants from vegetable sources are fine. Importantly, petroleum based lubricants should be avoided as they have been associated with cancer. In one scientific study, mice were given anal implants of both petroleum and natural lubricants. Those receiving the petroleum based lubricant developed cancer.

Stimulating Your Man. One hand up and down the penile shaft is 'the' masturbation stroke. It has advantages in leaving one hand free to stimulate other erogenous zones (eg: acupoints, the anus, scrotum, etc).

Variation 1. When your lover nears orgasm, give his coronal ridge area (near the tip) a squeeze with your little finger on completing the up stroke. This helps stifle the urge to orgasm.

Variation 2. Give 6 light strokes to the tip only, followed by one firm stroke to the entire shaft. Maintain this 6/1 stroking.

Variation 3. Hold your partner's penis with your thumb on one side and your fingers on the other. On completing the up stroke, pass your three large fingers over the glans penis (ie: the tip), while the little finger remains on the other side of the shaft. Your hand then moves down and up the shaft. On completing this second up stroke, your three fingers are passed back over the tip and down the shaft. This gives the tip a good work out.

Intertwine the fingers of both hands and employ up/down stroking.

Variation 1. As you move both hands along the shaft use the motion, right hand up, left hand down; right hand up/left hand down; right hand up/left hand down; etc

Variation 2. Hands are not intertwined but are held flat and outstretched on either side of the penis. Semi rotate your partner's penis between your palms up and down his entire shaft.

Variation 3.
Stimulate the very tip of the penis with circular motions using one hand and, at the same time, masturbate the shaft with the other.

Palm of your hand may be used to give circular motions around the tip of your lover's penis. (Hold the penis with your other hand.) After much arousal, the glans penis will become hypersensitive so adopt very light pressure to ensure the massage remains pleasurable. Alternatively, move attention to the shaft or scrotum. In another variation the palm of your hand passes up the upper side of the penis, over the tip then down the underside towards the scrotum.

Poor Erection. With your index finger wrapped around the base of the shaft, move your fingers upwards to push blood into the tip. Hold for several seconds, then repeat as often as necessary to progressively force more blood into the penis. This technique will encourage the development of an erection. Alternatively, the penis may be twisted gently to push blood into the tip. Relax and repeat. The same technique may be employed immediately after orgasm, but before your lover's penis has begun to subside. Hold your fingers around the shaft to prevent blood from flowing out the penis and continue stimulation. This will enable him to maintain pleasure levels well after the peak as an extra bonus. (CAUTION: Hold your fingers around the base of the shaft firmly but not tightly as this would cut off blood circulation to the penis.) Of course the easy option is Viagra and other pharmaceuticals. For those into natural therapies, there are supplements of zinc and essential fatty acids (Vitamin F), as well as a range of herbal medicines. For many older men, erectile problems may also be overcome by regular Kegel exercises (see Sexercises).

Squeeze Technique. Using fingers (yours or your partner's) apply pressure around the coronal ridge area (ie near the tip) of the penis for several seconds when nearing orgasm. The erection will subside by 10 to 30 per cent and the urge to ejaculate will evaporate. This requires excellent communication between partners as a short delay can result in an untimely orgasm. The squeeze technique is best used in mutual masturbation sessions. During intercourse, complete withdrawal would be necessary. Rather clumsy at any time, but especially so if using condoms. The squeeze technique may also be employed in coitus just before the insertive partner enters as a means to postpone orgasm.

Stimulating Your Woman. Lubricate your woman's entire genital region with a natural lubricant. Press lightly with your hand over the general area for initial arousal. The clitoris should be touched lightly in the beginning as it is very sensitive. Women differ markedly in their preference for clitoral massage. Some like very light stroking, while others require specific areas of the clitoris to be stimulated. You can ask your partner what she would like you to do. Alternatively, you may find her likings through trial and error by experimenting with different stroking techniques. If she is enjoying what you are doing, her genitals will engorge and change colour, the clitoris will enlarge, the pelvic muscles will tense and she may press her pelvis to your hand. Panting and sweating may also become apparent.

Clitoral Stroking methods are as follows

Circular motions with your fingers

Thumb on top of the clitoris with the forefinger used for massaging

Fore and index fingers massage both sides of the clitoris simultaneously.

Massage motions may be up/down or circular with adjustments to pressure. Emphasis may be placed on one side of the clitoris then on the other, the top then the base. As your partner nears orgasm, you should maintain only very light pressure as her clitoris will become extremely sensitive and normal pressure could be painful. Additionally, a woman may flex her PC muscles to accentuate stimulation.

Female sexual tension is best raised with 10 stimulating strokes followed by one or two resting strokes (lighter and/or softer). Adjust this to whatever your woman feels is most pleasing (6 to 1, 15 to 1, etc). A standard stroking rhythm for both the clitoris and the vagina is once per second. Once the initial orgasm commences, you should shift emphasis to massaging the vagina and continue stroking the G-spot through climax.


Vaginal Stroking
can take the form of:

Moving in and out with your fingers.

Sweeping around the sides of the vagina in a circular motion

Rhythmic stimulation to the G-spot (located about 45mm behind the pubic bone in the central portion of the vagina). This is the most sensual. The G-spot becomes firmer with increasing arousal and thus easier to find.

With rising excitement and continued stroking, your woman is able to rise to higher and higher levels of orgasm. You will also experience differing types of pressure on your fingers which should guide you as to the most appropriate massage at a given time.

Pushing out
. The vagina feels as though the uterus is pushing towards the vaginal opening. These deep pelvic contractions reflect the most rapid climbing arousal. Push outs indicate a need for G-spot stimulation. (When push outs cease move attention back to the clitoris.)

Pulling away
The vagina feels as though it is pulling away on your fingers. (It becomes enlarged at the back and lifts into her body.) When this becomes apparent, she is levelling off and you should lighten/slow your stroking until she wants more stimulation. With pulling away, move back to massaging her clitoris.

Generally, clitoral stimulation results in pulling away, while G‑spot massage gives deep push outs. Alternating and simultaneous stimulation of these two zones gives deeper, more pleasurable orgasms.

If you are applying the correct rhythmic technique, periods between push out contractions will be brief (one to five seconds). With increasing intensity, the brief rest periods will disappear and she will have all deep push outs when you massage her clitoris and G‑spot together for deep extended orgasm. To end the session, you should take her to a pleasure peak.

Women are commonly considered as having a long arousal period during coitus. Even so, research indicates that many women can reach orgasm very quickly when they masturbate themselves. This discrepancy may be due to:

1)  the ineptitude of their partners

2)  reluctance of the woman to inform her partner what she finds most pleasurable

3)  an inability to let go in sex.

Discuss frankly with your woman what you both find most stimulating. She may like to let you watch her masturbate herself. Not only may you find this a turn on, but it is also an excellent way for you to learn how to pleasure her most effectively.

On The Edge
(OTE) is a technique to take your partner to the realms of sheer eroticism, whereby every sensation is magnified. The aim is for you to maintain them at 99 per cent of orgasm. Continue until any longer would simply be too much. Relaxation, deep breathing through the nose and very light stroking all form part of OTE. Ease your partner very gently into the more intense levels of pleasure as they become increasingly excited and learn to 'play the edge'. Successful OTE takes practice and great communication. One genital caress too many will send your partner over the edge into orgasmic certainty, resulting in an early end to the proceedings (especially so for men). Key points for successful OTE are:

(verbal or touch) so you can let your lover know when to cease arousal or when slower/lighter stimulation would be more appropriate

Adjust stimulation (ie: lighter/firmer or slower/quicker stroking) as necessary to maintain your partner on the edge

End in ejaculation as this technique can strain the prostate. (CAUTION: Do not give your partner OTE if he has a prostate problem. Any weakness in this area could be aggravated.)

If your partner is constantly having to fend off orgasmic release, they will almost inevitably go over the edge. Have them relax for several minutes before trying again. Furthermore, if they have problems staying on the edge, maintain stimulation at a lower level (say 95 per cent of orgasm) until they become used to high arousal for long periods. In theory your partner could experience OTE for as long as time and lust permits. More likely, they will climax all too quickly as good OTE takes practice, familiarity and excellent feedback. It may take a few weeks or months of practising OTE to be able to stay very close to orgasm without reaching orgasm very often. At the very least, it has the advantage of extending the near-orgasm peak for much longer periods.
The following are two suggested methods for successful male OTE.

Method 1  Arouse your lover to a pleasure peak. Place the end of your lover's penis between your thumb (upper side) and index finger of your other hand (under side). Then massage the underside of the coronal ridge area (called the OTE point) by applying very gentle circular motions with your index finger. Continue as your partner increasingly approaches climax during which your pressure and massaging should become much, much lighter. Apply stimulation, then relax. Repeat as often as you like. The relaxation periods between strokes should become longer the closer he is to a climax. Apply only a feather touch when he is on the edge.

Method 2 
Arouse your man to a pleasure peak, then massage your lover's penis only one way: up the penile shaft (ie from the base to the tip). This is less stimulating than up-down stroking and thereby continues to defer climax. Adjust up strokes so that they are never more than two per five seconds. When your partner is on the edge, a rate of once every 10 seconds would be more appropriate. Adjust your stroking so that it is increasingly lighter the nearer your partner is to the edge.

When your man is experiencing PC contractions without orgasm, he is on the edge. You should be alert to signs of impending orgasm: testicles rising upwards to the body, hard erection, secretion of pre-cum and flexing of leg/pelvic muscles. All these indicate high arousal and a need to reduce stimulation. Through OTE it is possible to hold your partner in the twilight zone between high arousal and the timelessness of orgasm. Few couples appreciate the sensuousness of this zone, which can be extended indefinitely through experimentation. OTE is very safe as it requires manual stimulation for best results.


Apart from the genitals, there are numerous other erotic zones, which if stimulated give intense pleasurable sensations. Areas particularly rich in nerve reflex points are bodily openings (eg: mouth, ears, anus, etc) and the extremities (eg: hands and feet). In fact the whole body may be considered one erogenous zone. (Abbreviations: M is used to denote factors applicable to males and F to females.)

Breastbone. Located between the breast/chest. Gentle massage of this area will improve sexual response (M/F).

Breasts. Knead breasts with palms to stimulate sexual desire. Apply a feather touch with one finger. Sexually arousing (F).

Buttocks. Deep massage to this whole area, including where the buttocks and legs meet.

Ears -
A reflexive zone. Bite, nibble or suck with your mouth during foreplay/sex. Avoid the ear canal (M/F).

Feet/hands. are important reflexology zones. Massage these extremities prior to sex to improve the general health. Urinary and genital organ points are located in the heel and wrist, so massage these regions thoroughly to improve sexual response. Excellent books may be purchased on foot/hand reflexology for those interested.

Kidneys/adrenals. Press firmly with closed fists on the lowest ribs where the kidneys/adrenals are located. Relax and apply pressure again several times to benefit kidney/adrenal function. Alternatively, apply circular motions to these organs with the palms of your hands to the kidney area of the back (ie: lower ribs). Then move your hands up both sides of the spine. Repeat. Both arouses and relaxes.

Neck. Contains many acumeridian channels (ie: lines on which acupoints are sited). Nibble, kiss and bite gently during foreplay and sex (M/F).

Pubic mound. Massage the whole pubic region to boost testicle sensitivity (M) and sex drive (M/F).

OTE point. Towards the end of male orgasm, rhythmic finger pressure to this point will give several extra PC contractions as a bonus (M).

Sacrum. Apply circular motions with fingers/thumb to the triangular bone at the base of the spine. Alternatively lightly pound the sacrum with a clenched fist. Boosts sex drive.

Solar plexus in the pit of the stomach below the breastbone. Press with fingers to delay ejaculation (M) and for sexual arousal (F).

Spine. Kneading/circular motions along both sides of the spine. Promotes energy flows.

Tailbone. At the very base of the sacrum just above the anus. Massage gently to stimulate the sex drive.

Thighs. High inner area. Massage with the palms towards the genitals. Arousing especially when nearing orgasm (F).

Throat. Circular motions down each side of the throat with thumbs. Stimulates the thyroid and boosts hormone production.

Anal Massage. The anus is another major reflexive zone rich in nerve endings. The most sensitive areas are the anal sphincter muscle and the prostate point (PP - found in men only). The latter can be felt manually through the rectal wall (on the side facing the penis) where the prostate is located. Massaging this point enables you to stimulate the prostate directly via the rectal wall and can be very arousing. (CAUTION: Nails should be well clipped to prevent internal injuries. Furthermore do not massage the PP if your partner has a prostate problem. Latex gloves, which have been well lubricated, must always be used as a health measure to prevent the spread of disease, notably Hepatitis A and gastro - intestinal diseases. Cleanliness is essential when applying these techniques.)

Thoroughly lubricate the whole area around the anus as well as internally in the lower rectum. Slide the palm of your hand lightly over the general area for preliminary arousal. To commence the massage insert your finger(s) into your partner's anus. Be gentle and delectably sensual. There is a wide range of stroking techniques:

·    circular motions with the tip of your finger to the PP

·    tap the PP with the tip of your finger

·    thrusting in and out at a varying rate to obtain maximum sensation to the PP as well as the sphincter

·    vibrate the sphincter with a shaking motion of your fingers. This stimulates many nerves, as well as the prostate.

·    sweeping motion with finger(s) around the wall of the anus

·    spot press with your fingers around the circumference of the sphincter

·    press and rub around the anus with your fingers.

Such stroking methods will stimulate reflexively many body zones, while relieving any congestion in the prostate gland.

Massaging the prostate internally can be combined with male orgasm to give deeper more intense contractions in most men. Some sex workers use this technique to ensure repeat customers. Another method involves alternating periods of prostate massage with periods of penile stimulation. This is highly sensual so be careful not to bring your lover to an unwanted early orgasm. Do not massage your man's prostate when he is close to a pleasure peak as it will actually induce orgasm.

Testicle Massage, based on oriental massage techniques, is ideal to incorporate as part of foreplay or afterplay. The key word for such a massage is gently, as rough treatment can be painful.

·    Cup your fingers under the right testicle with your right hand and the left testicle under your left
     hand. Apply circular motions with your thumbs on the upper side of the testicles first in one
     direction (clockwise) then reversed (anti clockwise).

·    Continue as before but apply circular motions with your fingers to the underside of the testicles.

·    With one hand cup the testicles and shake them rapidly.

·    Squeeze the testicles gently but firmly to promote sexual vigour. This is particularly appropriate
 for older men. One Japanese proverb recommends 'a squeeze for every year of life'.

·     Place your index finger and middle finger on either side of the testicular sac (between the
 testicles and the penile base). Then rock the testicles by gently moving the two fingers up and
 down several times.

·    Wrap your thumb and index finger around the scrotum/penile base. Rotate the penis/testicles
 clockwise 10 times then repeat anti clockwise.

·    Finally, lightly tap the testicles all over with your index finger.

Testicle massage raises sexual energy and hormone levels. You benefit directly by boosting your man's potency. Additionally, everybody stores tension in various parts of their bodies, usually in the face, jaw, shoulders, neck, legs, back, etc. Massage these areas if they are tense to relax your partner prior to sex. Courses in Swedish massage or Shiatsu would be most helpful to give 'hands on' experience.


Near-orgasm peaks entail a man becoming aroused almost to orgasm, after which he relaxes for a period then recommences activities. Thus a series of peaks may be achieved for as long as time and lust permits. A major problem for men is letting go and becoming sexually aroused, then holding back to prevent an unwanted early orgasm. By learning to delay climax, both parties are able to absorb increasing levels of sexual energy. After extended periods of pleasure, the climax will be far more intense and delicious. There many ways for men to avoid unwanted early orgasm and going 'over the edge'.

Condoms are desensitising and thus delay climax. Most significantly, they are essential in safe sex to prevent the spread of AIDS and many other diseases.

Deep Breathing
through the nose is probably the most valuable technique of all as it is relaxing and thus defers orgasm. Breathing is integrally tied to achieving erection/orgasm and the ability to build up sexual energy.

and focus on your physical sensations (particularly touch) rather than rushing onto the peak or fantasising.

Cease Stimulation
when nearing orgasm. If having penetrative sex withdraw the penis completely or partially. Relax for a period then recommence activities. Repeat this cycle at least 10 times.

Intensive Exercises
are good for orgasm control as they give strong lower pelvic muscles and release emotional/physical tension during work outs.

Avoid Fellatio/OTE
. These techniques are too stimulating and should be adopted at the end of a session on those occasions when a man intends to orgasm.

Testicle Tug
. During sex the testicles must rise close to the body for most men to climax (older men are often the exception). Pulling the testicles down when nearing a peak delays orgasm.

Receptive Partner On Top
postpones orgasm as the insertive partner need not flex his muscles when thrusting in and out.

Anus/Lower Pelvic Muscle Flexing
during sex relieves tension on the prostate. Avoid these contractions when nearing a pleasure peak as they will induce orgasm.

should preferably be in green or blue colours, which are cooling. Red is far too arousing.

Push Outs
involve standing on your tip toes and pushing down firmly as if having a bowel movement. Then you squeeze your butts tightly. If done regularly, this is a very good exercise to help overcome premature ejaculation problems (see Sexercises)

Iced Water. If all else fails, a man may dip his genitals in a bowl of iced water when nearing climax. If that does not make him lose the urge to orgasm nothing will.

References on orgasm control are always geared towards men. However, many women find orgasm exhausting and therefore frequent orgasms are inappropriate, especially when feeling tired. A woman may also wish to have extended periods of OTE. In such situations she may try some of the techniques recommended for men, notably:
·    breathe deeply and completely through the nose

·    woman on top gives her direct control over her level of arousal

·    cease stimulation when nearing a peak then relax

·     push down as if having a bowel movement.


A common flaw by men in coitus is continuous heavy thrusting: in - out, in - out, in - out. A man may find this great but unfortunately this is not the best way to please a woman. The ensuing gives more sophisticated thrusting methods. Naturally, condoms are used every time to ensure safe sex. Such techniques are very arousing for the woman, making it much easier for her to achieve orgasmic heights.

Variation 1. Many women enjoy direct stimulation to their clitoris during intercourse. This may best be achieved with the woman on top, making it much easier for him to arouse her with gentle clitoral massage. She may also perform pompoir and determine the timing and depth of thrusting.

Variation 2. From Taoist sexology, a man should employ a thrusting rate of one deep thrust followed by nine shallow thrusts. (This is the most commonly recommended rate. Others are three shallow, one deep; six shallow, two deep; etc) The shallow thrust delivers strong stimulation to the woman's clitoris while the deep thrusts are more arousing for the man and also provide stimulation to a woman's G-spot. Note: The shallow thrust is delivered from a position of deep penetration while a deep thrust requires a withdrawal to more shallow depths before thrusting back deep into the vagina.

Variation 3. Initially a man softly rubs his penile tip on her clitoris to commence arousal. He then very gently inserts his fully erect penis 1cm into the vagina then takes it out. Then again in 2 cm then out — repeat. In 3 cm then out — repeat gradually going deeper. Work up until almost the full length of his penis. Slowly he withdraws and goes in and out again — very slowly and gently. A man keeps teasing his woman and maintains these shallow gentle thrusts. He should never go all the way with deep thrusts until his woman begins to climax.


This provides an alternative to conventional sexual coitus. Successful practising of these techniques will result in orgasmic sensations, which roll through you and your partner again and again. The procedures were outlined by John Heider, a psychologist, and were covered in detail by Ramsdale & Dorfman (see references).

*           Sit facing each other. Meditate or visualise that the energy surrounding you is being extended to encompass both you and your partner.

*           Using stroking motions, caress each other using the flat of hand (palms and fingers) so that there are four hands slowly sweeping over two bodies. Visualise energy flowing from your hands as you do this.

*           Again using the flat of your hand massage your partner's body. But this time sweep with your hands about 50 cm above your partner's body. You should feel your surrounding life energy become thick and tangible with the space between you and your partner filling with this vital energy. The energy field may take time to build up.

*           Now genitally unite (use condoms). You both should remain still or confine activities to very slight movements only sufficient to maintain erection and arousal. Relaxed breathing, stillness, visualisations and minimal movement will result in the sexual energy building up and spreading throughout you whole body.

*           Feelings of falling backwards or dropping through the air should ultimately occur and the sense of having separate identities begins to dissolve so that you become one. Orgasmic sensations flow through each of you in continuous waves over and over again.

Eventually you disunite very tenderly and sensitively. Separating abruptly can be very distressing for either partner, as your energy fields have essentially become one.


The ultimate aim of safe sex exercises is to achieve Brain Orgasm - multiple orgasms with just hugs, nothing genital. The orgasm occurs in the brain and is based purely on flows of sexual energy throughout the body rather than physical stimulation of the genitals. This is the ultimate in safe sex, as it is fully satisfying and there is no need for intimate sexual contact and exchange of bodily fluids. Each wave of orgasm lasts for several minutes with much laughter - sex is so funny but most people do not realise it. It has major advantages for older men in particular, as it permits multiple male orgasms in the one session and is not physically draining. Brain Orgasm is easy to achieve - certain Tantric sexercises for say five to 10 minutes a day for several months should be enough for most people to achieve this.

The relevant sexercises will be placed on this web site at some stage. Unfortunately, proper instruction requires extensive illustrations, which have been difficult to arrange. The simple exercises incorporate well known Indian yoga and Chinese Taoist exercises and are strongly recommended.


Visualisations may also delay orgasm by spreading sexual energy out from your genitals through your entire body. For example, imagine warm sexual energy slowly cork-screwing up your spine. On reaching the crown of your head, the energy blossoms into a thousand petalled lotus flower. Amrita (the ambrosia of immortality) showers downward covering your entire body in a golden healing sheen. The flower then closes and the amrita seeps down the centre of your body leaving a taste of sweetness in your mouth. Such visualisations allow much more sexual energy to be absorbed, thereby deepening the experience.

Laughter Exercises are an excellent way to either relax prior to sex or to overcome feeling blue. In one technique, you stand with your feet apart and arms vertically up in the air so that you are reaching for heaven. Then say the sound HOOOO so that it resonates in the chest. (It should not come shallowly from the throat) Repeat until you commence laughing and continue for as long as you feel appropriate. In another exercise, you hold your thumb and middle finger together on both hands. Then say the sound HAAAA. Again it must resonate in the chest. Continue laughing for as long as you feel necessary. Laughter exercises are very beneficial for those willing to practice them every day for long term health benefits. Click here for a more detailed coverage of these techniques. Caution: Laughter exercises should not be practiced by women in the latter stages of pregnancy, or by people suffering from a heart condition or asthma.

Karezza provides an alternative to orgasmic sex. Both parties stimulate each other with tender loving caresses, but only enough to maintain arousal and erection and nothing more. Pompoir or visualisations can be employed to enhance the sensations. This is best sustained for at least an hour to maximise the delightful feelings. It is suitable when both parties are tired or when strenuous sex is inappropriate (eg: illness). You may simply enjoy being with your partner sharing heartfelt intimacy. Advocates of karezza describe it as blissful, ecstatic, exalting and indescribable.

Thigh Sex provides a very safe alternative to penetrative sex for Male – Male couples. One partner places his legs together and the insertive partner thrusts his penis in - out in the inner thigh - perineum area. The receptive partner may cross his upper legs to give a tighter cavity and thereby enhance the sensuality for the insertive partner. Try various positions to see which is the most comfortable and arousing. The couple may have penetrative anal sex WITH CONDOMS and no ejaculation, ending the session with thigh sex, no condoms and orgasm for the insertive partner. This would be very safe provided the receptive partner has no skin lesions around the thigh area.

Thigh sex was apparently widely practiced by Male - Male couples in ancient Greece. Art from the period rarely showed Male - Male couples partaking in penetrative anal sex. Far more common, a man, usually older, was shown placing his penis between the thighs of a younger man. This is not suitable for Male - Female couples, as semen at the entrance of the vagina can result in unwanted pregnancy or transmit disease.

Opening energy channels
In both Tantra & Tao, it is essential to open your energy channels to allow sexual energy to flow freely throughout the entire body. Much deeper experiences can thereby be attained, rather than confining physical responses to the genitals. Two key channels are:

·    from the perineum up the spine to the crown of the head down the nose to the roof of the mouth.

·    from the perineum up the navel to the chin and the tip of the tongue.

By pressing the tongue to the back of the mouth, a circuit for these two major channels is completed, which in Chinese Taoism is known as the microcosmic orbit (see Chia references). Visualise warm energy flowing up your spine and down your front, completing this circuit 36 times. Another key energy channel passes from the perineum up through the centre of the body to the crown of the head (see Anand reference). 

Spreading is aimed at dispersing sexual energy throughout your partner's body before sex. Have your partner lie flat on the floor/bed or a massage table, with their arms 45 degrees to the trunk with palms facing upwards. The legs are splayed slightly apart, with the feet pointing outwards. This position is very relaxing. Initially a gentle sweeping motion is applied all over your partner's body. The 'helicopter' technique is used which entails passing your hands on the skin then progressively decreasing pressure until they are passing just above the skin. After this phase, the receiving partner is brought to high arousal. Your hands then flow outwards from the genitals down the legs to their feet. Repeat 5 to 10 times. Arouse and again move the hands outwards up the receiving partner's chest and down the arms to their hands. Repeat 5 to 10 times. Remember to apply 'helicopter' stroking with a lessening of pressure away from the genitals. Spreading enables your partner to absorb a greater influx of sexual energies, thereby enhancing the whole experience.


Obvious benefits of coitus reservatus & coitus obstructus arise in terms of safe sex as men with HIV are far less likely to infect their partners if they retain their semen. However, even when semen is held within the body, problems arise with potentially infectious pre-cum and accidents are always a possibility in the heat of the moment. The receptive partner may also infect the insertive partner. Thus, existing safe sex guidelines must be adhered to and the use of condoms remains the first line of defence against the spread of HIV and many other diseases. Even so, intercourse lasting 'one thousand loving thrusts' would test the strength of any condom and breakage could be life threatening. If you are going to embark on long sexual marathons, it may be better to have extended sessions of mutual masturbation and foreplay, with coitus more as a finale rather than the main event.

Another direct benefit of seminal retention is that men with HIV (or for that matter any other major health problem) can conserve their vitality and bolster their immune system by not emitting copious quantities of nutritionally rich semen. The body must expend much energy to fully replenish semen supplies and re-establish hormone balance after ejaculation. Medical evidence indicates that ejaculation involves significant loss of zinc, a vital trace element essential for good health and sound immune response. Frequent ejaculation can lead to deficiency of this critical element, resulting in poor memory, mental confusion, paranoia and hypersensitivity to sunlight. Thus there may be a little truth to the old wives' tale that masturbation causes blindness!

In men, the prostate progressively swells with increasing sexual stimulation and culminates in a pumping action (orgasm) and ejaculation. About four out of every five men will experience prostate problems at some stage in their lives. Esoteric practices can strain the prostate, the prospect of which can be countered by sexercises and/or finger massaging the prostate via the rectal wall. If a man is going to change his sexual practices, a prostate check up from his doctor is advisable, especially if he is older (over 45) or has had problems in this area before. Finally, after experiencing many near-orgasm peaks in the one session it is only sensible to relieve the swollen prostate afterwards via massage, sexercises or ejaculation.

In this guide, basic information on esoteric sexual arts has been presented. Eastern masters adopted far more advanced techniques to achieve sexual bliss, which has been described as 'a showering of nectar running down your insides'. However, this is beyond the needs or aspirations of most people, particularly as much time and discipline is necessary to attain such mastery.


Copyright 1996 - 2003. David McMinn. All Rights Reserved.




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