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By foregoing full ecstasy, coitus reservatus enables a man to enjoy
hours of near ecstasy and the orgasms he does have will be much sweeter. Couples
are able to enjoy sex more fully and for much longer periods. Men retain a
sexual hunger as they are never overly satisfied and thus are less likely to
become bored with the same partner. Thus relationships tend to be more intimate
and enduring as they flow much more smoothly.
TANTRIC BREATHING
People generally hold their breath and tighten their muscles during
sex. This is fine if it is a deliberate effort to raise sexual heat or for
regulating and intensifying the climax. Unfortunately, breath holding is often
an involuntary reaction, which in turn results in poor control and an all too
frequent early male orgasm. Breathing, the mind and sexual response are all
interdependent. Altering any one of these variables changes the other two. Not
surprisingly, correct breathing forms an essential component of Eastern love
teachings.
Breathing
Strategies. There
is a range of Tantra breathing techniques to prolong and amplify your sexual
experiences. Cooling breathing practices should be adopted when nearing a climax
to prevent unwanted early orgasm.
Complete
Breath involves
the conscious control over inhalation, retention and exhalation. Slow steady
breathing through the nose is an excellent means to relax and prolong the
session. Inhale deeply through the nose slowly filling your lungs from top to
bottom. Push the diaphragm down by extending the abdomen outwards. Pause. Empty
the lungs by exhaling through the nose and pulling the abdomen inwards.
Crow
beak breathing. Curl
your tongue and protrude it slightly beyond your lips. Inhale through this
'straw'. Close your mouth and retain your breath for long as is comfortable then
exhale through the nose. Crow beak is cooling and defers orgasm.
Sitkari
(English name not known).
Press
your tongue against the roof of your mouth and inhale slowly through the mouth
making a slight hissing sound. Retain the breath, followed by exhalation through
the nose. This is another cooling breath.
Right/left
nostril breathing. Only
breathing through the right nostril is heating and stimulates the sex drive
bringing on climax. (Use your index finger to cover the left nostril.) In
contrast breathing only through the left nostril is cooling thereby helping to
avoid climax. You can adjust left or right nostril breathing to suit your needs
during sex. (CAUTION: Do not breathe via one nostril for
extended periods — over 10 minutes — as it can result in physical
imbalances.)
Panting.
Hold
your mouth open with tongue protruding slightly. Pant rapidly and fully from
your belly (not your throat). Promotes arousal and excitability.
Such breathing techniques give you greater
options over your sexual responses. If you strain while doing any of these
techniques, you are doing them incorrectly. At all times breathing should be
relaxed and free flowing. There are many references on yoga breathing. However,
the more advanced practices need to be done under the supervision of a qualified
teacher. If done incorrectly, they can result in physical
imbalances.
Breathing
& Health Due
to stress ridden modern lifestyles, most people have poor shallow breathing and
need to learn better habits. Good breathing is imperative to good health, an
obvious factor generally ignored by Western medicine. In contrast, Eastern
adepts regard fresh air as being more essential to bodily well being than nourishing
food or pure water. As one Taoist commented, 'You can live two months without food, two
days without water but you can only live a few minutes without air'.
SEXERCISES
General good health is essential for good sex. Of prime importance is
muscle tone in the pelvic region to give intense contractions during orgasm and
allow better ejaculation control in men. Flabby muscles in this area will not
perform well giving mediocre sexual response. The major muscle involved is the
pubococcygeus (PC), which stretches between the genitals and the anus. It is the
PC which contracts rapidly during orgasm. However, with our modern sedentary
lifestyle, the PC is rarely exercised in our daily routine. For many people this
gives a less than optimal sex life.
Kegel
exercises
(for
men & women) are quite well known and were first promoted by Arnold Kegel in
the 1940s. Even so, they were really nothing new as variations on these
exercises have been practised in Eastern countries for millennia. Kegel
exercises are excellent to tone the PC for a much better sex life. To identify
the PC, simply stop the flow of urine the next time you go to the toilet by
flexing the muscles of your lower pelvis. The muscle you will contract will be
the PC. If it is weak, you may have trouble stemming the flow of urine, but try
again next time. The following outlines various exercises to
strengthen the PC.
Slow
clenches.
Tighten
the PC as in stemming the flow of urine. Hold for the count of three then relax.
Repeat.
Flutters. Tighten
and relax the PC as rapidly as is comfortable.
Another
Variation. Push
down moderately as if having a bowel movement. This will also develop the
abdominal and anal muscles as well.
Commence these exercises gradually, starting off with a regime that
is not too strenuous. 150 Kegel exercises a day should be the ultimate goal.
Testicle
elevations
(for men only, obviously)
increase
erectile strength, boost arousal and give better orgasm control in men. Sit on
the edge of a chair or stand with feet about half a metre apart. The testicles
should hang freely. Practise raising and lowering the testicles. At first a man
may have to use his abdominal muscles, but with experience only the pelvic
muscles will be needed.
Push Outs. Lift your ankles so that you are standing on your tip toes and
exert pressure on your pelvic floor as if you are going to have a bowel
movement. Then gradually and firmly squeeze your butts against your tail bone
and anus and hold for 15-60 seconds. Repeat this process for as many times as
you feel is appropriate. This sexercise may be practised any time by exerting
pressure on the pelvic floor and tightly squeezing the butts against your tail
bone and anus. It is very good for men if they have a premature ejaculation
problem.
Weight
training can
be included with your Kegel exercises. A man stimulates himself to full erection
then places a wet towel over his penis. He raises and lowers the towel by
flexing his lower pelvic muscles. After some practice, the number of towels
should be increased. This improves erectile strength. Some men and women use
weights to do their sexercises.
Pompoir. In
the art of pompoir, women have direct control over their circum vaginal muscles
during sex, a technique which has been used by the more talented prostitutes of
Asia for thousands of years. The woman, who is in complete control, sits on top
of the man, but there is no movement as all activity is internal. By flexing her
vaginal muscles, a woman may caress a man's penis by gripping, massaging,
milking or rippling motions. This may be done on a penis as whole or in
sections. It is easy to develop pompoir ability. Kegel exercises or other
exercises practised every day for a few months will give pompoir finesse to most
women. Once developed, the circum vaginal muscles need only to be maintained in
good condition. Male — male couples may also experience pompoir. By flexing well
toned anus/PC muscles, the receptive partner is able to massage his lover's
penis during coitus.
Erectile
Dysfunction may be overcome by doing Kegel exercises. In one study, 55
older men with potency problems were split into two groups. The first was
trained in Kegel exercises and then did them twice a day for 6 months, while the
second control group did no sexercises. By the end of the study, 40% of the
Kegel group regained full erectile function, 35% improved and 25% experience no
benefit. Those in the latter group included men suffering from diabetes,
arteriosclerosis and alcoholism - ie: those men with serious health issues. At
the start of the study, 65% of men in the Kegel group had an incontinence
problem - they dribbled after urination. By the end of the study, this had been
overcome and they were 'dry'. Generally, it is much better and much much cheaper
for men with erectile dysfunction to try sexercise first before resorting to
potency pills or other medical options (vacuum pumps, injections, prostheses, etc).
Back Problems. Kegel exercises
strengthen the PC muscles, thus providing a firm muscular foundation for the entire
spine. Thus, these exercises could be helpful for those people with back
problems.
Overall, sexercises promote general good health in the
pelvic area and help prevent haemorrhoids, prostate problems, constipation
and prolapse of the rectum and/or uterus. They are also excellent in preparing
women for childbirth and overcoming incontinence in older age. Sexercises are easy to do and can be done at any time of
the day: lying in bed, standing waiting for a bus or sitting in a waiting room.
More advanced exercises (eg: the deer, stomach churns, the big draw, etc) may be
found in Tantra and Tao references for those interested. However, most people
want something that is easy, convenient and gives the desired results. The sexercises discussed here meet those criteria.
SEXUPRESSURE
For millennia, oriental courtesans have offered their clients
acupoint massage prior to and during sex as part of their service. This was to
heighten the sexual experience and to foster good health. Courses in shiatsu or
acupressure are recommended for people wishing to develop proficiency in this
area.
Perineum
Point
(Conception Vessel -1)
is
a key acupoint, located half way between the anus and the scrotum, where you can
press inwards without feeling bone. Bodily energy flows rising up from the legs
and flowing down from the head and torso meet at this point. In Chinese
acupuncture, the perineum point is called hui yin and in Indian yoga it is known
as yoni nadi.
Circular motions with fingers (yours or your partner's) to the
perineum point may be given during foreplay to improve performance and raise
sexual heat. Such a massage must be gentle as it is a sensitive area of the
body. Acupressure to the perineum point can also give superior orgasm control
for men. This may be achieved by ceasing stimulation when nearing a climax and
pressing the point with two or three fingers for several seconds. At the same
time, the man inhales deeply. (From Taoist sexology, the index and middle
fingers of the left hand should be used.)
Men may also have orgasm without ejaculation via coitus obstructus.
When nearing a peak, a man may continue with stimulation and press the perineum
point firmly with his fingers. Pressure must be applied several seconds before
orgasm. Good timing is crucial as a delay will result in ejaculation no matter
what pressure is applied. The semen is pushed back into the body rather than out
through the penis. Eastern adepts believe this has advantages as vital seminal
fluid is conserved and the loss of sexual energy is minimised. CAUTION: Coitus obstructus must not be
applied if there are venereal diseases or prostate problems. Furthermore, do not
use this technique excessively as it can strain parts of the urogenital system.
Ejaculate to release any pent up energies.
The
Love Spot
(Conception Vessel - 17)
corresponds
to the thymus gland which, in turn, plays a major role in the body's immune
defences. The love spot is found at the intersection of a vertical line down the
centre of the chest and a horizontal line drawn across the nipples. (Of course
make any necessary adjustments if they sag, and estimate where the nipples hung
before gravity took its toll.) In Chinese acupuncture, the love spot is called
Dan Chu, while in Indian yoga it is
the anahat heart centre.
A gentle massage, both directly on the love spot as well as above and
below it, will stimulate the thymus gland. Another method is the thymus thump,
which may be used daily. Rub your hands together until they are warm to build up
chi (life energy). Clench your fist
and firmly thump down the centre of the upper chest from the collar bone to the
nipple line six to nine times. (CAUTION: Injury may result if you talk
while doing this exercise or have a heart condition.) As the thymus controls the
immune system, presumably this may be of benefit in dealing with illness.
Visualisations on the love spot can add another dimension to sex.
Lying together with love spots in contact, both partners can imagine these
points to be small golden orbs of love. With each breath, the couple can
envisage these orbs growing a little bigger until eventually they are entirely
enveloped in healing love. One sexologist believed that making love arose when
your love spot was activated with sweet inspiring emotions flowing from the
chest. Having sex occurred when this spot was dormant and all interest and
energy was concentrated below the navel. There are several additional
points of interest, as follows:
Conception
Vessel - 6 (Sea
of Energy) is located about 50mm below the navel. Press directly with fingers to
stimulate the sex organs.
Conception
Vessel - 8
(Navel). Using
a feather touch, spiral slowly outwards from the navel (eg: anti clockwise) then
reverse the motion (eg: clockwise) and spiral inwards. The receiving partner
will feel tingling sensations as energy flows are activated.
Stomach
- 17
(
Nipple
Tips). Stimulate freely with your hands or mouth, with no stimulation to the
surrounding area. Touch should be light and sensuous.
A few suggestions have been offered on using acupoints during sexual
activities. However, everybody differs in their physical sensitivities and what
they consider are 'erogenous zones'. Sexupressure is a great way to locate your
own 'hot spots'.
Orgasm via Acupressure. It is possible to experience orgasm via
acupressure - a masseuse friend is able to do this beautifully. The orgasm
occurs in the brain, rather than the whole body. However, the sessions have to
be limited to several minutes, as extended periods of massage can induce a
heart attack or create other health problems.
MUTUAL
MASTURBATION: YOUR
SAFEST OPTION
AIDS has made mutual masturbation the safest
way to express yourself sexually in the new millennium. The likelihood of
contracting HIV via masturbation is extremely remote provided there are no cuts
or sores on your hands. (If such lesions are evident use light latex gloves.) In
contrast, unprotected anal/vaginal intercourse can readily transmit the virus.
Even with condoms there are small risks with breakage or slipping off during coitus and thus
they are not foolproof in preventing HIV transmission. A further difficulty
arises as condoms are desensitising for men generally. Such problems do not
arise in the masturbation option as the main instruments of pleasure are your
hands. These are extremely nimble and manipulative and there is no reason why
masturbation cannot give you and your partner ecstasy. The only limitations are
ignorance and lack of imagination.
People
must be concerned about a whole range of
sexually transmitted diseases (HIV-1, Hepatitis A & B, NSU, chlamydia,
gonorrhoea, warts, syphilis and so forth). New viral diseases may also emerge in
coming years (eg: HLTV-1 & HIV-2), as well as new antibiotic resistant
strains of ‘old’ bacterial diseases (eg: gonorrhoea & syphilis). The Center
for Disease Control (USA) recommends no exchange of bodily fluids in sex. Such
considerations make mutual masturbation an even more attractive option.
Apart from the disease factor, there are other occasions when mutual
masturbation is appropriate, especially if:
· a man
has a premature ejaculation problem or is impotent. He can manually stimulate
his
partner.
· a couple wish to enjoy sexual
variation in addition to penetrative sex.
·
profuse
menstruation hinders having vaginal coitus. (Use latex gloves in mutual
masturbation,
as menstrual blood can transmit HIV and other blood born
viruses.)
·
Male - Female
couples may want a perfect means of birth control that is intensely pleasurable,
but without chemicals, pills or condoms.
Masturbation solo is a viable alternative for those without a
suitable partner. It is completely safe, keeps your genitals well toned and, if
done properly, can be extremely pleasurable. Scientists wired up one female
subject to measure her physical responses during masturbation. After an hour
they were becoming concerned that she would have heart failure. Her brain waves
were in deep relaxation, as she continued to pleasure herself to orgasmic
heights.
Lubrication
(too much is better than too little) is essential as delicate tissue is being
massaged. Masturbation without lubricant is less stimulating and can lead to
genital chaffing. Only water soluble lubricants must be used if latex gloves or
condoms are being employed during the session. Otherwise lubricants from
vegetable sources are fine. Importantly, petroleum based lubricants should be
avoided as they have been associated with cancer. In one scientific study, mice
were given anal implants of both petroleum and natural lubricants. Those
receiving the petroleum based lubricant developed cancer.
Stimulating Your
Man. One
hand up
and down the penile shaft is 'the' masturbation stroke. It has advantages in
leaving one hand free to stimulate other erogenous zones (eg: acupoints, the
anus, scrotum, etc).
Variation
1. When
your lover nears orgasm, give his coronal ridge area (near the tip) a squeeze
with your little finger on completing the up stroke. This helps stifle the urge
to orgasm.
Variation
2. Give
6 light strokes to the tip only, followed by one firm stroke to the entire
shaft. Maintain this 6/1 stroking.
Variation
3. Hold
your partner's penis with your thumb on one side and your fingers on the other.
On completing the up stroke, pass your three large fingers over the glans penis
(ie: the tip), while the little finger remains on the other side of the shaft.
Your hand then moves down and up the shaft. On completing this second up stroke,
your three fingers are passed back over the tip and down the shaft. This gives
the tip a good work out.
Intertwine
the fingers of both hands and employ up/down stroking.
Variation
1. As
you move both hands along the shaft use the motion, right hand up, left hand
down; right hand up/left hand down; right hand up/left hand down; etc
Variation
2. Hands
are not intertwined but are held flat and outstretched on either side of the
penis. Semi rotate your partner's penis between your palms up and down his
entire shaft.
Variation
3. Stimulate
the very tip of the penis with circular motions using one hand and, at the same
time, masturbate the shaft with the other.
Palm
of your hand may
be used to give circular motions around the tip of your lover's penis. (Hold the
penis with your other hand.) After much arousal, the glans penis will become
hypersensitive so adopt very light pressure to ensure the massage remains
pleasurable. Alternatively, move attention to the shaft or scrotum. In another
variation the palm of your hand passes up the upper side of the penis, over the
tip then down the underside towards the scrotum.
Poor
Erection.
With your index finger wrapped around the base of the shaft, move your fingers
upwards to push blood into the tip. Hold for several seconds, then repeat as
often as necessary to progressively force more blood into the penis. This
technique will encourage the development of an erection. Alternatively, the
penis may be twisted gently to push blood into the tip. Relax and repeat. The
same technique may be employed immediately after orgasm, but before your lover's
penis has begun to subside. Hold your fingers around the shaft to prevent blood
from flowing out the penis and continue stimulation. This will enable him to
maintain pleasure levels well after the peak as an extra bonus. (CAUTION: Hold your fingers around the
base of the shaft firmly but not tightly as this would cut off blood circulation
to the penis.) Of course the easy option is Viagra. For those into natural
therapies, there are supplements of zinc and essential fatty acids (Vitamin F),
as well as a range of herbal medicines. For many older
men, erectile problems may also be overcome by Kegel exercises (see Sexercises).
Squeeze
Technique. Using
fingers (yours or your partner's) apply pressure around the coronal ridge area
(ie near the tip) of the penis for several seconds when nearing orgasm. The
erection will subside by 10 to 30 per cent and the urge to ejaculate will
evaporate. This requires excellent communication between partners as a short
delay can result in an untimely orgasm. The squeeze technique is best used in
mutual masturbation sessions. During intercourse, complete withdrawal would be
necessary. Rather clumsy at any time, but especially so if using condoms. The
squeeze technique may also be employed in coitus just before the insertive
partner enters as a means to postpone orgasm.
Stimulating Your Woman.
Lubricate
your woman's entire genital region with a natural lubricant. Press lightly with
your hand over the general area for initial arousal. The clitoris should be
touched lightly in the beginning as it is very sensitive. Women differ markedly
in their preference for clitoral massage. Some like very light stroking, while
others require specific areas of the clitoris to be stimulated. You can ask your
partner what she would like you to do. Alternatively, you may find her likings
through trial and error by experimenting with different stroking techniques. If
she is enjoying what you are doing, her genitals will engorge and change colour,
the clitoris will enlarge, the pelvic muscles will tense and she may press her
pelvis to your hand. Panting and sweating may also become apparent.
Clitoral
Stroking
methods are as follows
Circular
motions
with your fingers
Thumb
on top of
the clitoris with the forefinger used for massaging
Fore
and index fingers massage
both sides of the clitoris simultaneously.
Massage motions may be up/down or circular with adjustments to
pressure. Emphasis may be placed on one side of the clitoris then on the other,
the top then the base. As your partner nears orgasm, you should maintain only
very light pressure as her clitoris will become extremely sensitive and normal
pressure could be painful. Additionally, a woman may flex her PC muscles to
accentuate stimulation.
Female sexual tension is best raised with 10 stimulating strokes
followed by one or two resting strokes (lighter and/or softer). Adjust this to
whatever your woman feels is most pleasing (6 to 1, 15 to 1, etc). A standard
stroking rhythm for both the clitoris and the vagina is once per second. Once
the initial orgasm commences, you should shift emphasis to massaging the vagina
and continue stroking the G-spot through climax.
Vaginal
Stroking
can take the form of:
Moving
in and out with
your fingers.
Sweeping
around
the sides of the vagina in a circular motion
Rhythmic
stimulation to the G-spot
(located
about 45mm behind the pubic bone in the central portion of the vagina). This is
the most sensual. The G-spot becomes firmer with increasing arousal and thus
easier to find.
With rising excitement and continued stroking, your woman is able to
rise to higher and higher levels of orgasm. You will also experience differing
types of pressure on your fingers which should guide you as to the most
appropriate massage at a given time.
Pushing out.
The vagina feels as though the uterus is pushing towards the vaginal
opening. These deep pelvic contractions reflect the most rapid climbing arousal.
Push outs indicate a need for G-spot stimulation. (When push outs cease move
attention back to the clitoris.)
Pulling away.
The vagina feels as though it is pulling away
on your fingers. (It becomes enlarged at the back and lifts into her body.) When
this becomes apparent, she is levelling off and you should lighten/slow your
stroking until she wants more stimulation. With pulling away, move back to
massaging her clitoris.
Generally, clitoral stimulation results in pulling away, while G‑spot
massage gives deep push outs. Alternating and simultaneous stimulation of these
two zones gives deeper, more pleasurable orgasms.
If you are applying the correct rhythmic technique, periods between
push out contractions will be brief (one to five seconds). With increasing
intensity, the brief rest periods will disappear and she will have all deep push
outs when you massage her clitoris and G‑spot together for deep extended orgasm.
To end the session, you should take her to a pleasure peak.
Women are commonly considered as having a long arousal period during
coitus. Even so, research indicates that many women can reach orgasm very
quickly when they masturbate themselves. This discrepancy may be due to:
1) the ineptitude of their partners
2) reluctance of the woman to inform her
partner what she finds most pleasurable
3) an inability to let go in sex.
Discuss frankly with your woman what you both
find most stimulating. She may like to let you watch her masturbate herself. Not
only may you find this a turn on, but it is also an excellent way for you to
learn how to pleasure her most effectively.
On
The Edge
(OTE) is a technique to take your
partner to the realms of sheer eroticism, whereby every sensation is magnified.
The aim is for you to maintain them at 99 per cent of orgasm. Continue until any
longer would simply be too much. Relaxation, deep breathing through the nose and
very light stroking all form part of OTE. Ease your partner very gently into the
more intense levels of pleasure as they become increasingly excited and learn to
'play the edge'. Successful OTE takes practice and great communication. One
genital caress too many will send your partner over the edge into orgasmic
certainty, resulting in an early end to the proceedings (especially so for men).
Key points for successful OTE are:
Signals (verbal
or touch) so you can let your lover know when to cease arousal or when
slower/lighter stimulation would be more appropriate
Adjust
stimulation (ie:
lighter/firmer or slower/quicker stroking) as necessary to maintain your partner
on the edge
End in
ejaculation as
this technique can strain the prostate. (CAUTION: Do not give your partner OTE if
he has a prostate problem. Any weakness in this area could be aggravated.)
If your partner is constantly having to fend
off orgasmic release, they will almost inevitably go over the edge. Have them
relax for several minutes before trying again. Furthermore, if they have
problems staying on the edge, maintain stimulation at a lower level (say 95 per
cent of orgasm) until they become used to high arousal for long periods. In
theory your partner could experience OTE for as long as time and lust permits.
More likely, they will climax all too quickly as good OTE takes practice,
familiarity and excellent feedback. It may take a few weeks or months of
practising OTE to be able to stay very close to orgasm without reaching orgasm
very often. At the very least, it has the advantage of extending the near-orgasm
peak for much longer periods.
The following are two suggested methods for successful male
OTE.
Method
1 Arouse
your lover to a pleasure peak. Place the end of your lover's penis between your
thumb (upper side) and index finger of your other hand (under side). Then
massage the underside of the coronal ridge area (called the OTE point) by
applying very gentle circular motions with your index finger. Continue as your
partner increasingly approaches climax during which your pressure and massaging
should become much, much lighter. Apply stimulation, then relax. Repeat as often
as you like. The relaxation periods between strokes should become longer the
closer he is to a climax. Apply only a feather touch when he is on the
edge.
Method
2 Arouse
your man to a pleasure peak, then massage your lover's penis only one way: up
the penile shaft (ie from the base to the tip). This is less stimulating than
up-down stroking and thereby continues to defer climax. Adjust up strokes so
that they are never more than two per five seconds. When your partner is on the
edge, a rate of once every 10 seconds would be more appropriate. Adjust your
stroking so that it is increasingly lighter the nearer your partner is to the
edge.
When your man is experiencing PC contractions without orgasm, he is
on the edge. You should be alert to signs of impending orgasm: testicles rising
upwards to the body, hard erection, secretion of pre-cum and flexing of
leg/pelvic muscles. All these indicate high arousal and a need to reduce
stimulation. Through OTE it is possible to hold your partner in the twilight
zone between high arousal and the timelessness of orgasm. Few couples appreciate
the sensuousness of this zone, which can be extended indefinitely through
experimentation. OTE is very safe as it requires manual stimulation for best
results.
EROTIC
MASSAGE
Apart from the genitals, there are numerous
other erotic zones, which if stimulated give intense pleasurable sensations.
Areas particularly rich in nerve reflex points are bodily openings (eg: mouth,
ears, anus, etc) and the extremities (eg: hands and feet). In fact the whole
body may be considered one erogenous zone. (Abbreviations: M is used to denote
factors applicable to males and F to females.)
Breastbone.
Located
between the breast/chest. Gentle massage of this area will improve sexual
response (M/F).
Breasts.
Knead
breasts with palms to stimulate sexual desire. Apply a feather touch with one
finger. Sexually arousing (F).
Buttocks.
Deep
massage to this whole area, including where the buttocks and legs meet.
Ears
- A
reflexive zone. Bite, nibble or suck with your mouth during foreplay/sex. Avoid
the ear canal (M/F).
Feet/hands.
are
important reflexology zones. Massage these extremities prior to sex to improve
the general health. Urinary‑genital organ points are located in the heel and
wrist, so massage these regions thoroughly to improve sexual response. Excellent
books may be purchased on foot/hand reflexology for those interested.
Kidneys/adrenals.
Press
firmly with closed fists on the lowest ribs where the kidneys/adrenals are
located. Relax and apply pressure again several times to benefit kidney/adrenal
function. Alternatively, apply circular motions to these organs with the palms
of your hands to the kidney area of the back (ie: lower ribs). Then move your
hands up both sides of the spine. Repeat. Both arouses and relaxes.
Neck.
Contains
many acumeridian channels (ie: lines on which acupoints are sited). Nibble, kiss
and bite gently during foreplay and sex (M/F).
Pubic
mound. Massage
the whole pubic region to boost testicle sensitivity (M) and sex drive
(M/F).
OTE
point. Towards
the end of male orgasm, rhythmic finger pressure to this point will give several
extra PC contractions as a bonus (M).
Sacrum.
Apply
circular motions with fingers/thumb to the triangular bone at the base of the
spine. Alternatively lightly pound the sacrum with a clenched fist. Boosts sex
drive.
Solar
plexus in
the pit of the stomach below the breastbone. Press with fingers to delay
ejaculation (M) and for sexual arousal (F).
Spine.
Kneading/circular
motions along both sides of the spine. Promotes energy flows.
Tailbone.
At
the very base of the sacrum just above the anus. Massage gently to stimulate the
sex drive.
Thighs.
High
inner area. Massage with the palms towards the genitals. Arousing especially
when nearing orgasm (F).
Throat.
Circular
motions down each side of the throat with thumbs. Stimulates the thyroid and
boosts hormone production.
Anal
Massage.
The anus is another major reflexive zone rich in nerve endings. The
most sensitive areas are the anal sphincter muscle and the prostate point (PP -
found in men only). The latter can be felt manually through the rectal wall (on
the side facing the penis) where the prostate is located. Massaging this point
enables you to stimulate the prostate directly via the rectal wall and can be
very arousing. (CAUTION: Nails should
be well clipped to prevent internal injuries. Furthermore do not massage the PP
if your partner has a prostate problem. Latex gloves, which have been well
lubricated, must always be used as a health measure to prevent the spread of
disease, notably Hepatitis A and gastro - intestinal diseases. Cleanliness is essential when applying these
techniques.)
Thoroughly lubricate the whole area around the anus as well as
internally in the lower rectum. Slide the palm of your hand lightly over the
general area for preliminary arousal. To commence the massage insert your
finger(s) into your partner's anus. Be gentle and delectably sensual. There is a
wide range of stroking techniques:
· circular
motions with the tip of your finger to the PP
· tap the PP
with the tip of your finger
· thrusting
in and out at a varying rate to obtain maximum sensation to the PP as well as
the sphincter
· vibrate the
sphincter with a shaking motion of your fingers. This stimulates many nerves, as
well as the prostate.
· sweeping
motion with finger(s) around the wall of the anus
· spot press
with your fingers around the circumference of the sphincter
· press and
rub around the anus with your fingers.
Such stroking methods will stimulate reflexively many body zones,
while relieving any congestion in the prostate gland.
Massaging the prostate internally can be
combined with male orgasm to give deeper more intense contractions in most men.
Some sex workers use this technique to ensure repeat customers. Another method
involves alternating periods of prostate massage with periods of penile
stimulation. This is highly sensual so be careful not to bring your lover to an
unwanted early orgasm. Do not massage your man's prostate when he is close to a
pleasure peak as it will actually induce orgasm.
Testicle
Massage, based on oriental massage
techniques, is ideal to incorporate as part of foreplay or afterplay. The key
word for such a massage is gently, as rough treatment can be
painful.
· Cup your
fingers under the right testicle with your right hand and the left testicle
under your left
hand. Apply circular motions with your thumbs on the upper side
of the testicles first in one
direction (clockwise) then reversed (anti
clockwise).
· Continue as
before but apply circular motions with your fingers to the underside of the
testicles.
· With one
hand cup the testicles and shake them rapidly.
· Squeeze the
testicles gently but firmly to promote sexual vigour. This is particularly
appropriate
for older men. One Japanese proverb recommends 'a squeeze for every year of life'.
·
Place your
index finger and middle finger on either side of the testicular sac (between the
testicles and the penile base). Then rock the testicles by gently moving the two
fingers up and
down several times.
· Wrap your
thumb and index finger around the scrotum/penile base. Rotate the
penis/testicles
clockwise 10 times then repeat anti clockwise.
· Finally,
lightly tap the testicles all over with your index finger.
Testicle massage raises sexual energy and
hormone levels. You benefit directly by boosting your man's potency.
Additionally, everybody stores tension in various parts of their bodies, usually
in the face, jaw, shoulders, neck, legs, back, etc. Massage these areas if they
are tense to relax your partner prior to sex. Courses in Swedish massage or
Shiatsu would be most helpful to give 'hands on' experience.
ORGASM CONTROL
Near-orgasm peaks entail a man becoming
aroused almost to orgasm, after which he relaxes for a period then recommences
activities. Thus a series of peaks may be achieved for as long as time and lust
permits. A major problem for men is letting go and becoming sexually aroused,
then holding back to prevent an unwanted early orgasm. By learning to delay
climax, both parties are able to absorb increasing levels of sexual energy.
After extended periods of pleasure, the climax will be far more intense and
delicious. There many ways for men to avoid unwanted early orgasm and going 'over the
edge'.
Condoms are
desensitising and thus delay climax. Most significantly, they are essential in
safe sex to prevent the spread of AIDS and many other diseases.
Deep
Breathing through
the nose is probably the most valuable technique of all as it is relaxing and
thus defers orgasm. Breathing is integrally tied to achieving erection/orgasm
and the ability to build up sexual energy.
Relax
and focus on your physical sensations (particularly touch) rather than rushing
onto the peak or fantasising.
Cease
Stimulation when
nearing orgasm. If having penetrative sex withdraw the penis completely or
partially. Relax for a period then recommence activities. Repeat this cycle at
least 10 times.
Intensive
Exercises are
good for orgasm control as they give strong lower pelvic muscles and release
emotional/physical tension during work outs.
Avoid
Fellatio/OTE. These techniques are too stimulating and should be
adopted at the end of a session on those occasions when a man intends to
orgasm.
Testicle
Tug. During
sex the testicles must rise close to the body for most men to climax (older men
are often the exception). Pulling the testicles down when nearing a peak delays
orgasm.
Receptive
Partner On Top
postpones orgasm as the insertive partner need not flex his muscles when
thrusting in and out.
Anus/Lower
Pelvic Muscle Flexing during
sex relieves tension on the prostate. Avoid these contractions when nearing a
pleasure peak as they will induce orgasm.
Lighting should
preferably be in green or blue colours, which are cooling. Red is far too
arousing.
Push
Outs involve
standing on your tip toes and pushing down firmly as if having a bowel movement.
Then you squeeze your butts tightly. If done regularly, this is a very good
exercise to help overcome premature ejaculation problems (see Sexercises)
Iced
Water.
If
all else fails, a man may dip his genitals in a bowl of iced water when nearing
climax. If that does not make him lose the urge to orgasm nothing will.
References on orgasm control are always
geared towards men. However, many women find orgasm exhausting and therefore
frequent orgasms are inappropriate, especially when feeling tired. A woman may
also wish to have extended periods of OTE. In such situations she may try some
of the techniques recommended for men, notably:
· breathe deeply and completely through the nose
· woman on top gives her direct control over her level
of arousal
· cease stimulation when nearing a peak then relax
· push down as if having a bowel movement.
BETTER FEMALE ORGASM
A common flaw by men in coitus is continuous
heavy thrusting: in - out, in - out, in - out. A man may find this great but
unfortunately this is not the best way to please a woman. The ensuing gives more
sophisticated thrusting methods. Naturally, condoms are used every time to
ensure safe sex. Such techniques are very arousing for the woman, making it much
easier for her to achieve orgasmic heights.
Variation
1. Many
women enjoy direct stimulation to their clitoris during intercourse. This may
best be achieved with the woman on top, making it much easier for him to arouse
her with gentle clitoral massage. She may also perform pompoir and determine the
timing and depth of thrusting.
Variation
2. From
Taoist sexology, a man should employ a thrusting rate of one deep thrust
followed by nine shallow thrusts. (This is the most commonly recommended rate.
Others are three shallow, one deep; six shallow, two deep; etc) The shallow
thrust delivers strong stimulation to the woman's clitoris while the deep
thrusts are more arousing for the man and also provide stimulation to a woman's
G-spot. Note: The shallow thrust is delivered from a position of deep
penetration while a deep thrust requires a withdrawal to more shallow depths
before thrusting back deep into the vagina.
Variation
3. Initially
a man softly rubs his penile tip on her clitoris to commence arousal. He then
very gently inserts his fully erect penis 1cm into the vagina then takes it out.
Then again in 2 cm then out — repeat. In 3 cm then out — repeat gradually going
deeper. Work up until almost the full length of his penis. Slowly he withdraws
and goes in and out again — very slowly and gently. A man keeps teasing his
woman and maintains these shallow gentle thrusts. He should never go all the way
with deep thrusts until his woman begins to climax.
MAGNETIC SEX
This provides an alternative to conventional sexual coitus.
Successful practising of these techniques will result in orgasmic sensations,
which roll through you and your partner again and again. The procedures were
outlined by John Heider, a psychologist, and were covered in detail by Ramsdale
& Dorfman (see references).
*
Sit facing each other. Meditate or visualise that the energy surrounding you is
being extended to encompass both you and your partner.
*
Using stroking motions, caress each other using the flat of hand (palms
and fingers) so that there are four hands slowly sweeping over two bodies.
Visualise energy flowing from your hands as you do this.
*
Again using the flat of your hand massage your partner's body. But this
time sweep with your hands about 50 cm above your partner's body. You should
feel your surrounding life energy become thick and tangible with the space
between you and your partner filling with this vital energy. The energy field
may take time to build up.
*
Now genitally unite (use condoms). You both should remain still or
confine activities to very slight movements
only sufficient to maintain erection and arousal. Relaxed breathing,
stillness, visualisations and minimal movement will result in the sexual energy
building up and spreading throughout you whole body.
*
Feelings of falling backwards or dropping through the air should ultimately
occur and the sense of having separate identities begins to dissolve so that you
become one. Orgasmic sensations flow through each of you in continuous waves over and over
again.
Eventually you disunite very tenderly and sensitively. Separating
abruptly can be very distressing for either partner, as your energy fields have
essentially become one.
OTHER TECHNIQUES
Visualisations may
also delay orgasm by spreading sexual energy out from your genitals through your
entire body. For example, imagine warm sexual energy slowly cork-screwing up
your spine. On reaching the crown of your head, the energy blossoms into a
thousand petalled lotus flower. Amrita (the ambrosia of immortality)
showers downward covering your entire body in a golden healing sheen. The flower
then closes and the amrita seeps down
the centre of your body leaving a taste of sweetness in your mouth. Such
visualisations allow much more sexual energy to be absorbed, thereby deepening
the experience.
Laughter
Exercises are
an excellent way to either relax prior to sex or to overcome feeling blue.
In one technique, you stand with your feet apart and arms vertically up
in the air so that you are reaching for heaven. Then say the sound HOOOO so that
it resonates in the chest. (It should not come shallowly from the throat) Repeat
until you commence laughing and continue for as long as you feel appropriate. In
another exercise, you hold your thumb and middle finger together on both hands.
Then say the sound HAAAA. Again it must resonate in the chest. Continue laughing
for as long as you feel necessary. Laughter exercises are very beneficial for those willing
to practice them every day for long term health benefits. Click
here for a more detailed coverage of these techniques. Caution:
Laughter exercise should not be practiced by women in the latter stages of
pregnancy, or by people suffering from a heart condition or asthma.
Karezza provides
an alternative to orgasmic sex. Both parties stimulate each other with tender
loving caresses, but only enough to maintain arousal and erection and nothing
more. Pompoir or visualisations can be employed to enhance the sensations. This
is best sustained for at least an hour to maximise the delightful feelings. It
is suitable when both parties are tired or when strenuous sex is inappropriate
(eg: illness). You may simply enjoy being with your partner sharing heartfelt
intimacy. Advocates of karezza describe it as blissful, ecstatic, exalting and
indescribable.
Thigh
Sex
provides a very safe alternative to penetrative sex for Male – Male
couples. One partner places his legs together and the insertive partner
thrusts his penis in - out in the inner thigh - perineum area. The
receptive partner may cross his upper legs to give a tighter cavity and
thereby enhance the sensuality for the insertive partner. Try various
positions to see which is the most comfortable and arousing. The couple
may have penetrative anal sex WITH CONDOMS and no ejaculation, ending
the session with thigh sex, no condoms and orgasm for the insertive
partner. This would be very safe provided the receptive partner has no
skin lesions around the thigh area.
Thigh sex was apparently widely practised by Male - Male couples in
ancient Greece. Art from the period rarely showed Male - Male couples partaking
in penetrative anal sex. Far more common, a man, usually older, was shown
placing his penis between the thighs of a younger man.
This is not suitable for Male - Female couples, as semen at the entrance
of the vagina can result in unwanted pregnancy or transmit disease.
Brain
orgasm emerges
as another potential. You can
achieve multiple orgasms in waves of sexual ecstasy by simply hugging your
partner when you are in a high state of arousal. It is based purely on flows of
sexual energy throughout your body. There is no physical stimulation or
sensation in the genital area, as orgasm occurs in the brain. This is the ultimate in safe
sex, apart from masturbation solo. It has major advantages for older men in
particular, as it is not physically draining thus permitting multiple male
orgasms in the one session. Brain
orgasm is easy to achieve - certain Tantric exercises for say 10 minutes a day for
6 to 12 months should be enough to achieve this.
Opening
energy channels In
both Tantra & Tao, it is essential to open your energy channels to allow
sexual energy to flow freely throughout the entire body. Much deeper experiences
can thereby be attained, rather than confining physical responses to the
genitals. Two key channels are:
· from the
perineum up the spine to the crown of the head down the nose to the roof of the
mouth.
· from the
perineum up the navel to the chin and the tip of the tongue.
By pressing the tongue to the back of the mouth, a circuit for these
two major channels is completed, which in Chinese Taoism is known as the
microcosmic orbit (see Chia references). Visualise warm energy flowing up your
spine and down your front, completing this circuit 36 times. Another key energy
channel passes from the perineum up through the centre of the body to the crown
of the head (see Anand reference).
Spreading
is
aimed at dispersing sexual energy throughout your partner's body before sex.
Have your partner lie flat on the floor/bed or a massage table, with their arms
45 degrees to the trunk with palms facing upwards. The legs are splayed slightly
apart, with the feet pointing outwards. This position is very relaxing.
Initially a gentle sweeping motion is applied all over your partner's body. The
'helicopter' technique is used which entails passing your hands on the skin then
progressively decreasing pressure until they are passing just above the skin.
After this phase, the receiving partner is brought to high arousal. Your hands
then flow outwards from the genitals down the legs to their feet. Repeat 5 to 10
times. Arouse and again move the hands outwards up the receiving partner's chest
and down the arms to their hands. Repeat 5 to 10 times. Remember to apply
'helicopter' stroking with a lessening of pressure away from the genitals.
Spreading enables your partner to absorb a greater influx of sexual energies,
thereby enhancing the whole experience.
IN
CONCLUSION
Obvious benefits of coitus reservatus & coitus obstructus arise
in terms of safe sex as men with HIV are far less likely to infect their
partners if they retain their semen. However, even when semen is held within the
body, problems arise with potentially infectious pre-cum and accidents are
always a possibility in the heat of the moment. The receptive partner may also
infect the insertive partner. Thus, existing safe sex guidelines must be adhered
to and the use of condoms remains the first line of defence against the spread
of HIV and many other diseases. Even so, intercourse lasting 'one thousand loving thrusts' would test
the strength of any condom and breakage could be life threatening. If you are
going to embark on long sexual marathons, it may be better to have extended
sessions of mutual masturbation and foreplay, with coitus more as a finale
rather than the main event.
Another direct benefit of seminal retention is that men with HIV (or
for that matter any other major health problem) can conserve their vitality and
bolster their immune system by not emitting copious quantities of nutritionally
rich semen. The body must expend much energy to fully replenish semen supplies
and re-establish hormone balance after ejaculation. Medical evidence indicates
that ejaculation involves significant loss of zinc, a vital trace element
essential for good health and sound immune response. Frequent ejaculation can
lead to deficiency of this critical element, resulting in poor memory, mental
confusion, paranoia and hypersensitivity to sunlight. Thus there may be a little
truth to the old wives' tale that masturbation causes blindness!
In men, the prostate progressively swells with
increasing sexual stimulation and culminates in a pumping action (orgasm) and
ejaculation. About four out of every five men will experience prostate problems
at some stage in their lives. Esoteric practices can strain the prostate, the
prospect of which can be countered by sexercises and/or finger massaging the
prostate via the rectal wall. If a man is going to change his sexual practices,
a prostate check up from his doctor is advisable, especially if he is older
(over 45) or has had problems in this area before. Finally, after experiencing
many near-orgasm peaks in the one session it is only sensible to relieve the
swollen prostate afterwards via massage, sexercises or ejaculation.
In this guide, basic information on esoteric sexual arts has been
presented. Eastern masters adopted far more advanced techniques to achieve
sexual bliss, which has been described as 'a showering of nectar running down your
insides'. However, this is beyond the needs or aspirations of most people,
particularly as much time and discipline is necessary to attain such
mastery.
Copyright
1996
- 2003.
David McMinn. All Rights
Reserved.
RECOMMENDED READING
Anand,
Margo. The Art of
Sexual Ecstasy. Tarcher. 1989
Brauer, A P & Brauer, D J.
ESO. Warner Books. 1983
Chang,
Jolan. The Tao of Love
and Sex. Wildwood House. Aldershot. l977
Chia, Mantak &
Chia, Maneewan. Healing Love Through The Tao: Cultivating
Female Sexual Energy. Healing Tao Books. 1984
Chia, Mantak & Winn, Michael. Taoist Secrets of Love: Cultivating Male
Sexual Energy. Aurora Press. 1984
Douglas, Nik &
Slinger, Penny. Sexual Secrets. Destiny Books. 1979.
Ramsdale,
D A & Dorfman, E J.
Sexual Energy
Ecstasy. Peak Skill. 1985
Reid, P R.
The Tao of Health,
Sex & Longevity. Fireside. 1989.
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